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Conversations By Age
Conversations by Age: Table of Contents
Jump to the stage that’s most relevant for your family or group:
0–5 Years: Building Trust Early
What Kids This Age Need From You About Screens
Attunement! Watch this 3 minute video: Tronick's Still Face Experiment
📵 No screens or internet under age 2. Facetime with family does not count. No interactive touch screens.
🕒 Limit screen time to 30 min/day for 3–5 year olds. Older DVDs are better than fast-paced modern shows that are designed to hook and overstimulate.
🧠 Their brains are making 1 million neural connections per second. Don’t let apps or games hijack this incredible phase of development.
👀 They need you off your screen. Prioritize screen-free meals, face-to-face play, eye contact, and unhurried connection.
📸 Don’t make your kids your content. Interacting with family is great. Performing for your followers? Not so great. They don’t need likes — they need your attention and affirmation.
💬 “When you go to the park, are you watching them — or your phone? Because I guarantee you, they are watching you.”
What Kids This Age Need From You About Sexuality
🩺 Use correct terms for body parts. It’s a key step in protecting against sexual abuse.
🩱 Teach what’s private. The parts covered by your bathing suit are private. No one should touch them or ask to see it unless Mom or Dad is with you at the doctor’s office.
🛑 Don’t force hugs or affection. Teach bodily autonomy. Let them say no.
🧠 Watch for red flags. Changes in behaviour after visiting someone? Pay attention. Ask open-ended questions. Trust your gut — and theirs.
🧑🏫 Educate yourself on child abuse prevention. A quick Google search can lead to excellent resources.
🤗 Connection matters. Hugs, cuddles, story time — and putting down your device.
Suggested Resource :
Podcast: The Place We Find Ourselves by Dr. Adam Young
Start with Episodes 158 & 159
Also Helpful :
Video: “Responding to a Disclosure of Sexual Abuse”
6–10 Years: Laying a Foundation
What Kids This Age Need From You About Screens
💪 Be strong. Say no to the pressure from other parents, culture, or even your kids. Childhood is short — protect it.
🚫 No smartphones. No social media. These tools are designed to hook and hijack your child’s brain. If you give in, prepare for a constant battle and disinterest in everything else.
🧠 Pursue real life. Encourage play, creativity, outdoor adventure, and real friendships.
🎮 Limit interactive screen time. Set a weekly schedule. I recommend no screens Sunday night to Thursday night. If you stick to your schedule, they will stop asking.
⏰ Use manual timers. Make them get up to turn it off — this helps teach self-regulation.
👀 Preview games and apps. Play with your kids first. Many are hyper-sexualized. Always read app reviews on Protect Young Eyes.
🎧 No headsets. No chatting with strangers. Review in-game chat history.
🚪 Gaming belongs in public spaces. Loud and annoying? That’s the point. No games in bedrooms.
⚠️ Watch for signs of addiction. Sudden mood swings, sneaking devices, and disinterest in everything else are red flags.
💬 “Once many children reach puberty, the neural networks established for video-game addiction leave them vulnerable to addiction to pornography.”
– Dr. Jay Stringer, Unwanted
What Kids This Age Need From You About Porn
You don’t need to use the word porn yet — but you must still prepare them.
⚠️ “You might see a naked body on someone’s screen.” It might happen on the bus, at recess, or during a sleepover.
🛑 “Look away or close your eyes as fast as you can.” If possible, tell a trusted adult right away.
📞 Have a plan. If they’re at a friend’s house and they see something inappropriate, coach them to call you with a headache. Tell them you will come get them, no questions asked. .
🚫 No nudes — from others or themselves. If someone tries to show them one, they need to tell you or a safe adult right away.
🔐 Create a family code system.
#1 = Urgent, unsafe
#2 = Something feels off
#3 = I’m upset but okay
🧠 Teach them to recognize grooming. If someone online asks for photos or personal info, or wants to move to another app, that’s a red flag.
💤 Reconsider sleepovers. This is where many kids are first exposed to porn — or worse. Not worth the risk.
🗣️ Repeat this phrase often:
“Never in trouble, never a bad time, never a bad question.”
Tweens: Delay is the Way
What Kids This Age Need From You About Screens
🕰️ Delay, delay, delay! No smartphone before high school. No social media before 16 (ideally 18).
✍️ Sign the Unplugged Canada Pledge to help change the culture.
💸 Try the “18@18” Challenge. No social media until 18 = $1800 on their 18th birthday. We did this with our daughter! Worth every penny!
🤝 Create face-to-face moments. Go out of your way to foster real-life connections.
🧭 Help them find purpose. Volunteer together. Shift the focus from “self” to “others.”
🧽 Chores matter. They teach confidence, discipline, and real-world resilience.
📱 First phone ≠ smartphone. Try Pinwheel (Canada) or Gabb (US). Or go back to flip phones.
📆 Use schedules and timers. Follow your schedule. Set timers. Don’t give in.
🚪 No screens in bedrooms, bathrooms, or basements. Period.
😴 Protect their sleep. Sleep deprivation mimics ADHD. Prioritize rest.
What Kids This Age Need From You About Sexuality
📸 Nudes. They may be asked for one, or sent one. Let them know: It’s against the law for any minor to make, possess, or share a sexually explicit photo of a minor, even if it’s AI generated. That is called CSAM (child sexual abuse material) and it is a punishable offence.
🔁 If they send one — it can go viral. The average nude is shared over 400,000 times.
💔 Teach them about sextortion. It’s real. It’s happening. And boys are the top targets. Learn more at Cybertip.ca.
📱 If they’re using Snapchat or YouTube Shorts — they’ve likely seen porn. These apps are full of it. Their algorithm is NOT the same as yours.
⚠️ Snapchat is a predators’ favourite app. It is not safe for any child.
💸 Apps don’t care about your kids. They care about profit. Their goal is addiction.
💬 “88% of porn shows violence against women. Watching it normalizes abuse.”
💬 “Porn teaches that sex is violent — and violence is sex.”
Teens: The Deeper Conversations
As teens grow, your conversations need to go deeper — and more often.
👀 Assume they’ve seen it. The average age of first porn exposure is under 12.
🤷♀️ Ask them: “Why would someone choose to be treated in that way?” Explain that people in porn are often there through force, fraud and coercion, which is the definition of human trafficking.
🔍 Educate them about the people in porn.
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80% were abused as kids.
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1 in 3 trafficked people are forced to make porn.
🔗 Porn hijacks the brain. It changes sexual appetite and dulls real-life relationships.
🔞 “Barely legal,” “teen,” “babysitter,” etc. These tags draw teens into illegal territory — fast.
💬 “Porn releases the same level of dopamine as amphetamines. That’s why it’s so addictive.”
Recovery, Hope & Real-Life Stories
If You’re a Teen Struggling with Porn
Hey, let’s be real — everyone messes up. You are not alone. What matters most is what you do next.
❤️ Your worst choices do not define you. You are loved. You are valuable.
🤝 Be honest, fast. Find a safe adult, or a safe online community, like Reboot Nation or Man Within.
📱 Get all devices out of your room. No exceptions. Buy an alarm clock.
🌱 Find healthy dopamine. Find a sport or activity you love. Go outside. Make music. Volunteer. Learn something new.
🎮 Limit social media and gaming. Both are gateways and create addictive brains.
👬 You can’t fight porn alone. Start/find an accountability group. Be real with each other.
🔍 Look inward. Are you escaping, numbing, avoiding something? Talk to a counsellor or trusted adult. You don’t have to carry this alone.
“Unhealthy choices online are often a poor attempt to meet healthy human needs.” – Wired Human
Final Words for Parents
After any of these conversations with your kids, say this:
“But if you do, come talk to me.”
“But if you do, I will help you.”
“But if you do, we’ll fight this together.”
“But if you do, you will never be in trouble for being honest.”
“But if you do, it doesn’t change how much I love you.”
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